Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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