I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
