I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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