"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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