so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
