tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
