dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
