I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
try to milk me bitch
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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