we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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