and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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