i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
