he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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