I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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