it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
