No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
