After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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