Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
