Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
