I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
