I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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