I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
