THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
