Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
