the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
