She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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