8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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