No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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