It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
