Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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