I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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