hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
