After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
