I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
