I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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