Quick, to the slutcave!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
