i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
