the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
