You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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