Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
