You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
