She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
