grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
