Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just want nice things and good sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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