I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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