You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You almost got us killed.
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dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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