There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
