Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
