i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
