she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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