apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
