I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
