I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
