Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
