You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
