your parents love me but you hate me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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