Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
