so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
