I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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