Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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