It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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