it wasn't lemon gatorade
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
