Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
