I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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