i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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